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The Surrey Hypnotherapy Clinic
The Surrey Hypnotherapy Clinic  

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Sexual Orientation OCD Anxiety Therapy Treatment

Sexual Confusion Hypnosis Counselling Therapy Treatment

Hello there. I'm Peter Back.

I’m a hypnotherapist and psychoanalyst in private practice here at the Surrey Hypnotherapy clinic, in the Woking and Guildford area of Surrey, UK.


I am finding increasingly that I am being approached by clients who are interested to know whether I can help them with their sexuality confusion anxiety, commonly called SO-OCD (Sexual Orientation OCD).


This is probably because of my experience in helping people with their Homosexual Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (HOCD). In fact HOCD is also sometimes called Sexual Orientation OCD (SO-OCD) - because they are both terms used to describe a severe anxiety that is rooted in concerns and confusion about a person's own sexual oreientation.


Typically (or traditionally, if you like), the HOCD usage refers to a heterosexual person's anxiety that they might be gay, or turning gay etc. Whilst the SO-OCD usage is more wide ranging, and whilst it can also be applied to people with HOCD. the term can also be used to describe the anxiety that some gay people might feel about them possibly being straight, or about to turn straight (or bi-sexual) in their sexual orientation.


So the term SO-OCD can really be used for any person who is experiencing anxiety about their sexual orientation and who is concerned that they might be undergoing some kind of change in their sexual orientation - or that such a change might be about to happen, either soon, or at some time in the future.


Sexual Orientation OCD (SO-OCD) can be experienced by heterosexual males and females, homosexual males and females, lesbians and bi-sexuals and by people of almost any other kind of sexual preference group that you can think of.


Factors that contribute to the cause and severity of the anxiety may include some or all of:

  • A strong desire to have confirmation 'for sure' of whatever they believe their true sexuality to be.
  • A strong desire to not mislead their partner, who they love very much, into thinking that they have a different sexuality to what they believe they might be changing to.
  • A strong desire to have children and be a parent and provide a loving and stable home and upbringing to their children.
  • A strong desire to know, for sure, for themselves, that they are not 'living a lie' with regards to their sexual orientation.

The severity of SO-OCD (and HOCD) can be intense, with sufferers experiencing, for example:

  • Extreme stress and anxiety.
  • Tearfulness.
  • Sleeplessnes, lack of sleep, disturbed sleep, and waking up tired and exhausted.
  • Irrational edginess, irritability, anger and rage.
  • Periods of having the intrusive thought constantly there in their mind, from the moment that they wake up, to the time that they go to sleep (if they can, eventually, fall asleep).
  • Dwelling, ruminating and catastrophising about events that may have happened either recently, or in the past, almost to the extent of trying to prove to themselves that they really are, for example, gay, when they really believe and hope that they are straight (or vice versa, or similar).

And almost all, for example, straight HOCD sufferers, will strongly express opinions of the kind "don't get me wrong, I have nothing against gay people - I just don't feel that it's who I am."


SO-OCD can be very very worrying, and very severe, and many of my clients have said that at times their SO-OCD has been so bad that they have had suicidal thoughts and have seriously considered ending it all.


Both forms of OCD (HOCD and SO-OCD), can also give rise to another form of OCD: R-OCD - Relationship Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, where the sufferer is worried and anxious, in general, about their relationship with their partner and, in particular, the effect that their problem might have on that relationship.


SO-OCD is a very misunderstood and difficult problem. It can ruin lives. Doctors don't seem to understand. And very often the help that they offer is limited to medication, often anti-depressants.


But, if you are suffering from SO-OCD, you are not suffering from depression. (Although, at times, you may feel quite depressed due to your problem !) 


Many people suffering from SO-OCD are afraid or embarrassed to even talk about their problem, for fear of being ridiculed or labelled.

And sufferers find that the biggest problem in getting help for SO-OCD, is in finding someone who actually, truly, understands their situation - many therapists, counsellors, teachers, GPs, physicians and psychiatrists have no training or experience in providing help for SO-OCD (or HOCD), and can only offer well intentioned advice and reassurances along the lines of "well maybe that's the way you are - don't worry about it - it's nothing to be ashamed of" !


Most of the people offering treatment for SO-OCD (and HOCD) don't actually know what it is, and what the cause is, and how to fix it, and so their solutions often fail, and at best give you a means of living with your problem forever.


The good news is, that SO-OCD (and HOCD) can be completely cured !


At the root of both disorders there are always some lost fears and/or thoughts, which are so deeply buried in the back of your mind that you have forgotten all about them. But the deeply buried fears and/or thoughts are still having an effect on your feelings and behaviour. And in the case of SO-OCD (and HOCD) the fear starts to focus on doubts about your sexuality.


I specialise in getting to the root cause(s) of your SO-OCD (and HOCD), and, in effect, removing them - and thus removing the feelings which drive obsessive thinking and compulsive behaviour. This REMOVES the problem so that there is no further need for medication or any other coping mechanisms such as exercises, thought control, special routines, keeping diaries, self-monitoring, CBT or any other procedures.


I am very experienced in dealing with SO-OCD (and HOCD). (It is more common than you would think !)


There will be no labelling or judgement. I have heard it ALL before and I really do understand the symptoms and the suffering.


If you would like more information on this successful treatment please contact me to arrange a FREE confidential consultation (Click here), and get started on changing your life straight away.






Contact Peter to make an appointment for a free initial consultation.




Read Peter's website welcome letter.


Alternatively, continue reading on down this page, past the following video, for more information on SO-OCD (and HOCD).

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Need an individual consultation ?

For professional, caring and confidential help, advice, therapy or treatment for, or about, any of the above issues or topics, or similar, please just contact Peter, preferably by e-mail, to arrange an appointment for your free initial consultation - either in person, or online.

SO-OCD Anxiety - Background Life Experiences

The following is written in the sense of a straight person who has a fear and anxiety that they might be gay, or might be about to turn gay. The roles can simply be reversed accordingly for, say, a gay person who is afraid that they might be straight, and so on for other similar types of sexual confusion. And of course it applies to both men and women.


There is no one specific cause of SO-OCD (or HOCD), but it is likely that someone suffering from SO-OCD will have experienced one or more of the following background life experiences at some point in their life:

  • Being 'bullied' (it might have been presented as being 'friendly banter' at the time) at school, or by colleagues at work, or by family members when growing up (e.g. usually an older sibling or parent) - by either just general bullying, or by direct homophobic name calling in particular - usuaally accusing the HOCD sufferer/victim of being 'gay'.
  • Having had an intense early relationship which came to an end, where the pain and the hurt at the breakup was such that the person has been so emotionally hurt and injured by the end of the relationship that they have resolved to never to get into such a relationship again, to protect themselves from a repeat of the hurt and pain.
  • Still being in a period of grief following the end, or loss, of a relationship such that they are experiencing what is in fact a normal and temporary loss of libido whilst coming to terms with a period of grief, or loss, of their partner and the relationship.
  • Being 'hit on' (i.e. propositioned) by a gay person in, say, a bar - or in their work environment, or at some form of 'sleepover'.
  • Having some form of physical impairment or disfigurement leading to anxiety and lack of confidence in approaching their preferred 'gender' for fear of possible rejection.
  • Having experienced some kind of 'failure' in their sexual performance - and not having realised the cause of the 'failure' may have been down to stress, anxiety, alcohol or drugs that they were on at the time.
  • Having experienced some kind of 'failure' in their sexual performance, and had their frustrated sexual partner ask them if they were gay (or question whether they were gay, or accuse them of being gay) - when their 'failure' was caused by the effects of other things (e.g. maybe stress at work, or alcohol or drugs).
  • Attempted 'catfishing' of a gay people on social media, where they may have pretended to others that they were gay, as a joke - and then becoming anxious afterwards as to whether the fact that they did this meant that they were gay.
  • Been startled to discover that their friendship group included several gay people (maybe one or more) - and that they hadn't realised this and had previously assumed that they were all straight.
  • Admired a person of the same sex, for maybe their prowess on the rugby field or for their dress sense and style, or for their charisma - and questioning and doubting themselves as to whether their admiration was somehow a confused sexual attraction to that person.
  • Been shocked by a person (maybe a friend or a celebrity), who they believed to be straight, coming out as being gay (or vice versa) - and suddenly fearing that they, themselves, might also suddenly 'turn gay' at some point in their life.
  • Having been 'shocked' and 'traumatised' when reading, or learning, about certain sexual practices.
  • Having, for example, not been able to find a singer in a teen band particularly attractive when all of their friends were going crazy over this particular singer - and wondering to themselves 'why am I different to my friends ?'.
  • Possibly having experienced some form of childlike sexual curiosity and/or exploration or experimentation with a friend in their very early/young years.
  • Having, at some time, been sexually abused, or sexually molested, by a colleague, friend, or bully.
  • Feeling that they should have had more (or sometimes less) sexual partners than they have had.
  • May have had, whilst at school, a number of intense crushes on their contemporaries having their preferred sexual gender.
  • And, maybe somewhat surprisingly, some people with SO-OCD have had an unusually large number of sexual encounters with partners of their preferred sexual gender.


(Note. Sexual Orientation OCD (SO-OCD) is sometimes called Homosexual OCD (HOCD), and there is another 'companion page' on this web site that also talks about Homosexual OCD (HOCD) and other, related aspects of Sexual Orientation OCD (SO-OCD).

Sexual Orientation OCD Anxiety - HOCD Client Testimonial email

The following is an email received from a testimonial from a grateful client - after being encouraged to send it by her grateful mother,


A more complete 'Case Study', based on the following 'testimonial email', and including some other related emails may be accessed using the button following this testimonial:

"Hi Peter, I hope you've been well since the summer. :)

I wanted to check in after some time. I had a great conversation with my mom recently, and had also heard you've met her via email!  


My life has returned to such a normal state, that I haven't gone back to write a testimonial, but I'd really like to fix that.  I wouldn't be moving forward the way I have been if it hadn't been for your time.  


Hopefully you can add this to your testimonial page, but if there are other resources you'd appreciate me sending this to, just let me know.


"I'd been experiencing consistent doubts about my gender, sexuality, intimacy ability for a few years by the time I had found Peter's hypnotherapy.  


I had never tried this type of therapy before, but had not found enough relief from CBT and past medications.


Even being skeptical at my own ability to progress beyond my obsessive thinking, I experienced a real shift after 3 sessions, and onward.  It's helped me to begin relationships again, and put me back towards someone I'd like to be.  All the panic around these thoughts simply isn't there!  It's still a little crazy to me. I would tell anyone to give it a shot if they are struggling with obsessive thinking and compulsions.  I'm just amazed it took me so long to find relief in such a short amount of time.


-Christine, Toronto"


I've had luck beginning again with my current partner.  I'm taking it a day at a time, but the negative feelings around sexuality and identity have been nullified in a big way.


I don't know if I would have found the same kind of relief in Toronto, so I'm glad I did my research over this pandemic.  Hopefully this has been the case for a lot of new patients.


Thanks again, Peter


Take care for now!



Need an individual consultation ?

For professional, caring and confidential help, advice, therapy or treatment for, or about, any of the above issues or topics, or similar, please just contact Peter, preferably by e-mail, to arrange an appointment for your free initial consultation - either in person, or online.

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All callers are by prior appointment, which is very easy to arrange - just select the button below to e-mail Peter first to arrange a convenient time for your appointment.


Therapies that facilitate effortless and transformational change in thoughts, feelings and behaviour mean that a number of problems of psychological or emotional origin can be helped.


Select the button below for more information about symptoms and the therapies that may be able help you, or instead just e-mail Peter to arrange a convenient time for a consultation.

For the Best Help, Advice, Therapy & Treatment ...

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Image of Surry Psychoanalyst and Hypnotherapist Peter Back at The Surrey Hypnotherapy Clinic Surrey Psychoanalyst and Hypnotherapist Peter Back at The Surrey Hypnotherapy Clinic


Select the button below for a welcome letter from Peter, with more about the Surrey Hypnotherapy clinic, or instead just e-mail Peter to arrange a convenient time for a consultation.

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Please note, if you should 'phone it is quite likely that Peter will be busy with a client and unable to take your call.


E-mail tends to be the best way to contact Peter, to arrange or reschedule appointments.


However, If urgent, you might be able to reach Peter on the following 'phone number but please be prepared to leave a message... Thank you.


Phone:  08707 606765 08707 606765

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